4: Setting Boundaries with Your Family Isn't Disrespectful

We need to talk about boundaries—especially in families. Why is it that when someone sets a boundary with their parents, it’s often seen as disrespectful? In this episode of Five with Fry, I’m diving into the intense online debate sparked by a simple request: a young woman asking her smoking mother to step outside. The backlash? Unreal. But it reveals something deeper—why do so many people believe parents are exempt from respecting boundaries?

Let’s be clear: boundaries aren’t just important; they’re transformative. They protect personal space, emotional well-being, and autonomy. And they aren’t just for adults—kids need to learn to advocate for themselves too. If we want future generations to grow into confident, self-respecting individuals, we have to shift the mindset that setting limits equals defiance.

In this episode, we’re breaking it all down:

• The societal pushback against setting boundaries with family
• Why teaching kids to say "no" is an act of empowerment
• Cultural expectations that blur the lines of parental access
• How boundaries create healthier, more respectful relationships

Remember: if you love what you hear, don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review! Want me to tackle a specific topic? Drop me a message. You can follow me on IG, Twitter, and TikTok @JenFryTalks or find me on LinkedIn at Dr. Jen Fry. Let’s keep the conversation going!

Transcript

Jen: 0:00

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host. Dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome to episode three.

Jen: 0:38

And today we're going to talk about boundaries. And not only are we going to talk about boundaries, we're going to talk about boundaries with family members. And so the reason I bring this up is that I saw this interesting conversation on threads and it was a young woman talking about her mom, wanted to come visit her and she was going to have her mom stay in the basement so her mom could have space. But her mom was a smoker and she says my only boundary is that you do not smoke in the house and if you're going to smoke you have to go outside. You have to go up the stairs, you have to go outside. And she said that was my only boundary Love my mom. I want her to come stay with me, but I have the boundary if you can't smoke in my house.

Jen: 1:18

It was really fascinating seeing people's comments in relation to parents and how essentially people do not want you to have boundaries with your parents. There were a lot of comments saying how could you have a boundary for your mom, who gave everything up to make your life better? How can you have a boundary for your mom who has helped you reach every dream possible? How can you have a boundary for these people who are coming to visit you and love and support you? And I think it's fascinating how there's an expectation that we are not to have boundaries for parents Because they brought us in this world, they took care of us, whatever it is that parents of kids, daughters, sons, whoever it is, are not allowed to have boundaries, and I think that that's such a problematic thought process. It's this idea that parents get unlimited access to do whatever they want and kids can't say no because they're the kids, and we have to stop that thought process. We have to stop saying that folks can't have boundaries. Everyone's allowed to have a boundary. Especially a kid in their house deserves to have boundaries about what occurs in that house and they don't have to give any reasons why. And I see so many older people saying this generation they're just disrespectful. No, they have boundaries around how they're treated and we have to realize that if we don't teach boundaries, we are leaving people in such a vulnerable position to not be able to advocate for themselves or really to have control of their life. Think about how many times we hear about family members getting upset because a kid says I don't want to be hugged, I don't want to be kissed, I don't want to sit on your lap. Oh, these young kids, they just need to come and give grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt a hug. Who do they think they are? It's like they're people who get a right to control who has access to their body. If we are teaching people that they don't get to have boundaries, it can have tremendous, long-lasting, problematic effects on their life. A daughter gets to have boundaries on what a parent does in their household. A kid gets to have boundaries on who touches their body. People get to have boundaries with family members, no matter who the family member is. Period.

Jen: 4:20

Thank you for joining us on episode three and y'all go have boundaries. Well, friends. That's it for this episode of five with fry, your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.