5: How to Take Feedback Without Falling Apart (or Getting Defensive)

Let’s be honest—feedback can be tough. Whether you're receiving it or giving it, it’s not always easy to navigate. But what if we stopped seeing feedback as something to fear and started using it as a tool for growth?

In this episode of Five with Fry, I’m sharing my own journey from hating feedback to embracing it as a catalyst for change. Inspired by Wes Kao’s expertise in communication, I dive into the power of precise, intentional feedback—because “looks good” just doesn’t cut it.

Here’s what we’re tackling:

• Why vague feedback isn’t helpful & how to be more specific
• How to receive feedback with grace (even when it’s uncomfortable)
• The role of feedback in resolving conflicts—at work, in sports, and in families
• Practical strategies to create a feedback-friendly environment

Feedback isn’t about tearing people down—it’s about building them up. But that only happens when we learn how to give it clearly and receive it without shutting down.

Ready to level up your feedback game? 🎧 Tune in now, and let’s break the cycle of defensive reactions and unclear communication.

And as always, let me know—what’s the best (or worst) feedback you’ve ever received? DM me on IG/Twitter/TikTok @JenFryTalks or find me on LinkedIn at Dr. Jen Fry. Let’s keep the conversation going!

Transcript

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:00

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome to episode four. So today we're going to talk about feedback, and I know it's probably a random topic to talk about, but as I have more and more conversations with people about conflict, I start to realize that a lot of it deals with feedback, both the giving of feedback and also the receiving of feedback, and so we're going to chat for the rest of this time on both parts. The first part, about giving feedback, is many of us aren't very thoughtful about how we give feedback. We're not very specific, we're not detail oriented. We just kind of give this general feedback that has people giving a lot of questions in their mind, and so we, as givers of feedback, need to be better, need to be very specific about what type of feedback are we talking about? You know like a case of you need to do the dishes. Well, what does that even mean? Versus, can you please make sure we don't have any dairy dishes in the sink when we go to bed? That's giving feedback, because many times we give super general feedback that leaves the person receiving this feedback really frustrated because they're not really sure what they need to work on, and that's when we start to see excuses start to occur because we just gave bad feedback and, let's be honest, we're not really taught how to give good feedback. I myself, I'm in a work in progress about how do I give really good feedback? I think about. There is a former CEO or co-founder of Maven and her name is Wes Kao, w-e-s-k-a-o, and if you are not familiar with her, look her up on LinkedIn, look her up on the web and start following her newsletter. She is literally phenomenal at it, and she just had a recent newsletter came out that said looks good. To me is a lazy default why managers should give feedback on work output. If you're not regularly giving feedback on work output, you're missing a valuable opportunity to invest in your team and set a higher bar, and so I completely agree with that and that we have to give very specific feedback on things right, you're doing good, looks good. That's not good enough feedback, and so, friends, I'm going to hold you to a higher bar and hold myself to a higher bar on giving really good, specific feedback.

Dr. Jen Fry: 3:12

The second part of that is receiving feedback, and receiving feedback is one of the hardest things I know myself. Baby, I was like a wall when you tried to give me feedback and I wouldn't listen. And I've made it my goal to be really, really good at feedback, because not only does it mean that people are going to want to give me feedback, but it also means I'm listening and growing at a different level. So I work hard on that. But I see a lot of people haven't really developed the skill of receiving feedback, and so when feedback comes, they get angry, they get frustrated, they think it's really personal and they're not willing to change something. And so if this is you who really isn't that good with receiving feedback, I want you to think about receiving feedback in a very different way that these people are trying to make you successful and the best possible person ever. So I have learned and sometimes it'll be my downfall. When people give me feedback, I just simply say thank you for your feedback. Now, if I have questions, I'll say, hey, do you mind if I ask these questions Because I just want to learn a little bit more, but I try and be very grateful when I do get feedback, because I want people to feel very comfortable with giving it to me. And it's hard, trust me, I get it. I've had to work on this skill forever. But you're only going to be a better human if you learn how to give and receive feedback. Thanks for listening.

Dr. Jen Fry: 4:38

Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry. Your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played. Subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come, follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.