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17: Five Strategies for Managing Tough Conversations with Kierra Pelz - Part 2

• Dr. Jen Fry

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In Part 2 of our conversation, Kierra Pelz and I pick up right where we left off — digging deeper into what it really takes to handle tough conversations with care, clarity, and confidence.

This episode is all about learning how to slow down and show up, especially when emotions are high. We explore the power of the 24-hour rule: a simple but powerful practice that gives people space to cool off, reflect, and come back ready to problem-solve. Whether you're a coach responding to a parent email or a parent processing your child’s frustration, waiting before you react can make all the difference.

We also talk about the messiness of wearing multiple hats — coach, parent, friend — and how to hold boundaries while still being human. Kierra shares practical examples from her gym, and I reflect on lessons I’ve learned firsthand as a parent of a young athlete. We’re not just talking about strategies. We’re talking about the real-life dynamics that show up at the gym, on the field, and in our homes.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Why “voice, not text” still matters, especially when emotions are involved
  • How the 24-hour rule can prevent conversations from escalating
  • The importance of giving kids emotional space before trying to “fix” things
  • A real-world story of what happens when adult behavior undermines a child’s athletic experience
  • How to create a culture of solution-focused dialogue in youth sports

Whether you’re a coach, parent, or leader in any youth-focused space, this episode is a reminder that hard conversations don’t have to be hostile. They can be an opening for deeper trust and long-term growth.
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Kierra Pelz is the co-owner and operator of a cheer gym in Alberta, Canada. Her gym is a thriving community where young coaches grow into exceptional mentors while inspiring the next generation of athletes in both competitive and recreational cheerleading.

As a mother of two, she understands the importance of balance and has built systems within her business that allow her to lead effectively while prioritizing her family. These systems also empower her coaching staff, giving them the tools and confidence to excel as leaders in and out of the gym.

Beyond the gym, she is passionate about leadership development and helping young coaches grow into strong, capable mentors. She actively speaks and teaches at industry conferences, including those hosted by Next Generation Gym Owners, where she shares insights on systemization, time management, and leadership. She is committed to lifelong learning and continually seeks opportunities to refine her skills while helping others do the same.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome back to the podcast with Cara Pels. This is part two. If you haven't had a chance to listen to part one, head back to last week's episode. If not, get your notebooks out to listen to part two and take all the notes. We'll see you later. So what's number two?

Kierra Pelz:

Number two is they don't all have to be hard. They don't all have to be hard and you know, that kind of it's perfect lead in what I was just saying about putting out those small fires before they become blazing it's. And that kind of leads into my third point as well. But they don't all have to be hard, right. And so by by changing your method of communication from text to voice, that already brings it down a notch. And, yes, you may feel some anxiety going into that meeting, like I was.

Kierra Pelz:

I had a meeting right before Christmas break and just the anticipation of it alone was a lot and I knew that it was going to be a hard conversation. And unfortunately we had to remove somebody from the program and we had had meetings leading up to that. So that's another good thing, right Is, we've had a few of those small meetings leading up to that. So that's the uh. Another good thing, right Is we've we've had a few of those small meetings leading up to that hard meeting, and so it didn't have to be so hard and it wasn't I keep using the term fires, but it wasn't. It wasn't so out of control by the time it got to that end meeting that it was uh, it was predictable. And so, although it was hard, it's not easy removing somebody from the program. It's never going to be easy to have to remove somebody from the program and when it came down to it, they just weren't aligned with alignment, with our core values and they didn't fit with our culture, and that's unfortunate and and that's really all it was to it.

Kierra Pelz:

And we had, like I said, we had meetings leading up to that and and it didn't have to be hard, it didn't have to be. Oh yes, it was uncomfortable, but it didn't have to be ugly and it wasn't. And when it comes down to it, if you can have more of these uncomfortable conversations, then you're less likely to have more of those really difficult, hard conversations. So growth doesn't come from comfort zones and so if we are going to step outside of those comfort zones and put ourselves in situations where we do feel a little bit uncomfortable going into those meetings, it's going to not only grow you as a human, it's going to help that person that you're meeting with and it's going to send a message to the rest of your club or members that we're willing to find solutions and we're solution oriented, and that's where that comes from, too, is they don't all have to be hard if you're going in with a solution-based action plan.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Basically right yeah I mean, but also the first part of we're not having a text argument is helping it not be hard, because how many times have people went into a conversation and they've been duking it out in the in the text thread and it's gotten ugly. People have been making condescending, snide remarks.

Kierra Pelz:

So now there's all this pent-up anger and aggression from days of texting that when they get in front of each other, it's you have to do so much de-escalation and so it's different when it's like we're not going to do that and the first conversation is you and I sitting together having the conversation yeah, and that's and and that comes from I mean, that comes from so much practice too right and and kind of um retraining your culture to be way to be able to have those conversations, to be able to deescalate and catch it before it gets out of hand, which I guess kind of leads me into my three and four.

Kierra Pelz:

I had these side by side. I didn't have them one after the other. I was going to kind of just wait and see how this conversation led into the next one. We have a 24 hour rule. So tip number three would be and implement your 24 hour rule. So we always ask that if someone has a concern of anything, any, any sort whatsoever, that they wait 24 hours. So this also goes with encouraging them to write it down somewhere private and do not press send, just put it in your notes.

Kierra Pelz:

If you have this urge to like type out this message or type out this email, then save it to your laptop or save it to your notes on your phone and just let it sit there for 24 hours, because chances are, by the time you slept on it, by the time you've had something to eat, maybe had a coffee, and figured out a little bit more about the backstory, maybe you've talked as a parent, maybe you've talked to a little bit more, because when they get in the car after practice, say, for example, uh, they get into the car after practice and this again. So we're going it now into the parent perspective and this is something that coaches can help teach the parents to do and encourage their parents to do that your kid gets into the car after practice and they're in tears because coach didn't put them in or they didn't let them try the drill one more time, or maybe that drill was just so hard for them that coach was harping on them, harping on them, harping on them because they wanted to be better. Right, we all. We're all guilty of that, as coaches and as as athletes. They get into the car and they're defeated and they're exhausted and they have a meltdown with their parents, because that's where they're comfortable having a meltdown. Which great job, parents, because if you can give them that space to be able to have their meltdown, that that's a good sign we all know I mean, we're learning that. That's a good sign that they can, they're able to hold it together while they're at practice, around their peers, around their coach, and then they come to you in that safe space as a parent and they're like, oh, it was so hard, and I just, uh, I think you know this big meltdown.

Kierra Pelz:

And so, as parents, it's so hard for us to to to sit there and just let our kids have that meltdown Cause our instant thought is what did the coach not do? How come you're not speaking to your coach? What did you not say to them? Or what are they? Are they doing that to every other kid? Is it just you? Are they pointing you out? Are they centering you out, or are? Is it fair, is it, you know? And and we spiral as parents and we just go down this, this tunnel of of terrible thoughts and and it's so easy now to be able to just type out within that tunnel and we think that it makes us feel better. But in the long run it really doesn't and and and we're just then offloading onto the coach, where we could be taking that opportunity as parents for a teachable moment and just allowing for our kids to sit in that uncomfortableness and and allow for our kids to sit in that and come up with a solution on their own and and keep the conversation going for the next 24 hours and don't feed into it into negativity. And you know, I personally have had this where you know my kid gets into the car and he's super upset about it and I mean I have, I have a unique relationship because my son is in cheer and so he's being coached by coaches who I'm leading and so I have to be very careful in taking off the parents and the coach had and the director had and it's it's a. It's a, it's a learning process.

Dr. Jen Fry:

But that is such a difficult thing to have to worry about. Did I lose you, kira?

Kierra Pelz:

okay, uh, okay.

Kierra Pelz:

So when my son gets in the car and, um, I'm letting him sit in that uncomfortableness and I acknowledge that it must have been hard and probably really challenging for him at that practice and then ask him if he wants to stop and get a Gatorade on the way home or something, and so I let I kind of you know, like I said acknowledge the feeling and acknowledge the frustration and acknowledge the challenge that comes with being in youth sport and being.

Kierra Pelz:

You know, maybe he feels like he was centered out by his coach, but then when we get home, we talk about it a little bit more, he gets in the shower and gets ready for bed and then, once he's in a different state you know he's at home, he's comfortable, he's come down from that we talk about a little bit more. And this whole time I'm don't get me wrong, I am putting stuff in my notes because as a parent I am like on fire, but I'm putting it in my notes, in my phone and I'm trying to get the whole story and we talked a little bit more about it. And then he feels pretty good and I asked, ask him, did you want me to talk to your coach about it do you want to set up a meeting? And he says, yeah, yeah, I think we do, because that's not fair. He goes to bed, he feels good and whatever, and of course I lay awake all night thinking about it, but that's neither here nor there like five pages of notes.

Dr. Jen Fry:

By then in your head you have the dissertation ready to go with citation.

Kierra Pelz:

That's no, I mean, and I know I'm not the only parent who does that. So, let's, I need to acknowledge that we're all in this together as parents, and I get it. I wholeheartedly understand that, um, that that whole you know, lay awake and you're so concerned for your kid and you just want for them to be happy and it hurts your heart to see them hurting and and at the same time, they need to learn those challenges and they need to learn how to navigate those conversations on their own. So we get, we wake up the next morning and you know he's getting ready for school and maybe he's worried about I'm going to practice the next day, or maybe he has a different type of training the next day with the same coach, and and so I coach him through that as an athlete and like it's, it's, it's okay, because I think that if, if it was a real issue with you as an athlete, if your coach was centering you out because maybe you were doing something wrong or maybe you were being too chatty, or maybe maybe they had it out to get you I'm not saying that they're not, maybe that is the case we would know about it by now because your coach would have reached out to us if you were a problem to athlete. And so when you walk into your training today, I want you to think about that. I want you to remind yourself that your coaches don't hate you, and remind yourself that you are here to work and their priority is the team. And then, after this training session, if you're still feeling that same way, then we can draft up an email together. And then we've waited that 24 hours and chances are, your elevated frustration has come down a little bit and maybe you've talked to your spouse or your significant other and they've been able to put some perspective into place.

Kierra Pelz:

And that is just such a huge game changer for us when we implemented this 24-hour rule. And don't get me wrong, we still have parents who send off that email at nine o'clock that night, as soon as they get home, and that's where the 24-hour rule comes into play on our part. So I encourage my coaches not to respond to any of those emails within that first 24 hours. So if the parent can't honor that 24-hour rule, then we at least, as coaches, can rule. Then we at least, as coaches can, and we know that that parent hasn't honored the 24 hour reel, and so they are heated and they are, um, you know, coming in hot and and and basically verbal diarrhea in it all over and it's it, it.

Kierra Pelz:

It's just a really great opportunity for our coaches to be able to exercise that 24 rule and show that we're firm in that. And just because you can't do it doesn't mean that I'm not going to, and so I'm not going to respond now for the next at least 24 hours. So after that 24 hours, maybe that coach has come and talked to me and they're like hey, I received an email from a parent and this is what it says and they didn't honor the 24-hour rule. Can you help me draft up a response?

Kierra Pelz:

absolutely, let's look at our templates, let's pull back the templates always got those yeah, and so then it's again right, it's consistent, it's predictable and thank you for your concern. I'd like for you to book a meeting. Here's where you can do, and then the availability for booking might be another day later, so you're allowing a little bit more time as well. We say not to go longer than, say, 48 hours after that um, after that initial 24 hour rule, because you do want, especially if it is a um, a concern for an athlete's safety, you definitely want to be able to get to it right away. But that, you know, it kind of just, it eases all of that tension. And that kind of goes back to they don't all have to be hard, right, they don't all have to be hard, elevated and very heated discussions, yeah, they're uncomfortable, but they don't all have to be crazy hardcore.

Kierra Pelz:

And with that 24 hour rule when we say, say, write it down somewhere private, do not press send-based. And we want to make sure that everything is solution-based. And we go back to the core of the. You know the core of those conversations and what the goal is and and and being solution-based is not seeking refuge or advice in anybody else other than, like I said, maybe your spouse or your significant other or your kids within your own home, but then holding your members accountable, like as a director, as a coach, holding all of your members accountable to that and knowing that if you heard it from somebody else, like hey, so if I heard this from Susie, who told me Sally told her that you said that's, that's already not solution-based, because know that sally and suzy can't do anything about it. But guess what? Suzy did do something about it and she came to me about it and so now we're going to talk about it.

Kierra Pelz:

so um yeah, so that's the 24 hour rule. So that was tip number three. I think that was number four. Was it tip number four? Was it tip number three? I think that was tip number four was it.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Tip number four was it? We got all the tips. The thing I will say about that is there. So just recently, what happened? Alabama, literally the University of Alabama men's basketball one of the players got benched and immediately the mom went on twitter yelling at the coaching staff oh no, this baby.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Let me tell you, if I'm the coaching staff and you do, that it can be hard to have your son playing like you. Go on this platform and you're yelling about playing time and your, your son or daughter, is an adult. I like that's what you mean. There is not. Social media has become people's journals. People need to go back to journaling. Y'all need to go to TJ Maxx has a beautiful array of journals. Go, take your butt to TJ Maxx, get your journal, name it my parenting journal and whatever feelings you have. You need to journal because when you use social media as as you're journaling, when you use other parents as you're journaling, you are going to say and do things that you are going to really regret, and that's what that Alabama parent did.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Parents, y'all need to bring back journaling to start thinking and feeling your emotions. And then I think, lastly, in youth sports you get to know people really well. You maybe have played with them, cheered with them, you watch them grow up. You know their kids. Now the person that you coach their kids are playing for you or cheering for you Just because you know them and they're nice. Don't be fooled. They will change when it deals with their kids. And I know people who are like oh you know, that parent thing seemed real chill. So I just said, yes, I talked to them. And then they get blown up in the corner and they're like we, this parent was cool. And then they're screaming at me because I decided to say something to them before the 24 hour rule and you put yourself in that very vulnerable position because you're like oh no, they were really cool to me, I know them.

Kierra Pelz:

When it comes to their kids, you will see a different person. And that's, I mean, that's such a good point because, you're right, when we get to know these people really well and we and there are some times when and I am a hundred percent guilty of this and I'm not I won't regret it I love, I love the relationship I have with this woman, so I've become really good friends with a mom in the gym, and something that I had to make very clear at the beginning of our, our blossoming friendship, I guess you could say, was that when we're together as friends and when our kids are together playing as friends, our cheer talk and sports talk is at a zero, zero, zero, because in those moments I have my friend and my mom hats on and I'm not your kid's coach and I'm not your kid's coach's leader, director, whoever I may be, when you're in the gym. And so it's made it, I've made it very clear and there's only been two times where, um, I've had to say like oh, actually, can you say that for an email? Or oh, actually can you right, and and that is has been perfectly okay. And just recently one of the um, one of her kids, had an, had an issue with another kid on the team, and so the coaches called her and her daughter in and they let me know that they were having this meeting, which is perfectly fine, and they called. They called them in and they just said okay, this is the deal, this is how it's going to go.

Kierra Pelz:

We wanted you to know that this is happening and for you, as a parent, to you know, we want you to be able to have the opportunities to help your kid, and for the daughter, we want you to have the opportunities to understand what may or may not be appropriate with your friends and your teammates. Right, and it was. There was. No, it was nothing bad. It was just that we got a little bit of feedback that this kid wasn't being nice, and I mean putting my friend hat on. I was like what, what? This kid is so nice all the time, like what are you talking about? And I imagine that's how the mom felt too. But then when we get this feedback from multiple other parents and kids, who are saying this?

Kierra Pelz:

person isn't being nice, that's just a. That is just a lack of awareness for this child, and so so, anyway, the coaches had the meeting with the parent and the child just to say, hey, we wanted to make you aware so that you can learn about behavior and body language and what that may mean and and stuff to other kids on your team and and and that's it. And I I had to really remove myself because I, like I said, I knew the meeting was happening and it was with one of my dearest friends and her kid, who I absolutely love, and I also had said to the coaches that I was hopeful that, in the event that it was even my kid as the owner director, if you were coaching my kid and this was happening with my kid, I'm very hopeful that you would have the exact same name with me, don't be afraid of me just because I'm sitting in two different positions at the same time.

Kierra Pelz:

There's absolutely no reason for that, right. And so you know, you're right, we do get to know these people. We do feel like sometimes, like oh, they're fine, they're like they're fine, they'll be fine with me. And and I even had those moments where I was like maybe I should just call her and see like as her friend, and like see how she's doing, and I was like no, no, because it's it's gonna root, like it. I was worried it would ruin my friendship, and so so I left it and and it's still now like we're everything's fine and it's good and the kid is getting along great with her teammates and, right, like, there's so many great things that are coming from it. And and so when you think long-term, those, those uncomfortable and those hard conversations, if you wait that 24 hour rule, and if you have it in person and if you are solution based, then long term your gain is so much better, right, when you think about, like, how am I going to feel in a day or two days or three days or four days or four weeks or four years, just by having these uncomfortable conversations, that that gain is just so much better than had you not had that conversation or had you just allowed for them to. Oh, like it's fine, they'll be fine, right, and like you said, they get cornered.

Kierra Pelz:

Um, I also. I want to go back to that um Alabama parent who enough, just enough to say that the fact that we're talking about it here and that that that story has gotten so far just because she couldn't hold herself to that 24 hour rule, is unfortunate. And it's unfortunate for the player, for the athlete, to now have that. And it's like it's unfortunate because that's the player didn't do it, the athlete didn't do that thing, and yet they are likely going to be punished in some way, shape or form. It's unfortunate because that's the player didn't do it, the athlete didn't do that thing, and yet they are likely going to be punished in some way shape or form for the action to that of their parent, and it's so unfortunate.

Kierra Pelz:

as parents, we need to be able to take that 24 hour rule and think about that long-term and how it may affect our kids.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Absolutely, and so one of I think the things that she said and I think the thing we people don't think about a lot is language is important, is important. How we use language is very important, and so what I mean by that is people will use highly volatile language about situations that don't warrant it. Right, and the biggest problem with that and the language that this mom used is you are embarrassing yourself because I'm trying to find the article and I think at one point she said something about neglect. She said we, our, we, our son witnessed pure neglect. Neglect Because your kid was benched.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Yeah, neglect is a heavy word to say, and a lot of parents, in that emotional time, instead of journaling, put out weaponized language. To say your son was neglected is hard, and I'll see it in some of these volleyball pages where it's like our kid is destroyed. They're heartbroken, devastated, devastated Baby, your kid didn't play, and the problem is that emotional language wraps up the situation and makes it way worse than it is. Your kid was benched. They weren't neglected. Your kid was pulled out. They didn't get to maybe do the stuff that they wanted to do.

Dr. Jen Fry:

They aren't heartbroken and devastated, and so I think it's so important, like you said that parents, you all have to pay attention to what you're saying, because now, from what I gather, the fan base roasted this mom and then, of course, she had to go back and now she wrote a three-page retraction message about it. Yeah and um, I'll put this in the show notes, right, because now it's this five, five paragraph thing, because I guarantee that son went after her and was like you have to, because I understand I don't have kids, but I understand that you want to protect them and and from from perceived injustice, and many times the injustice you perceive or the level of injustice you perceive is actually going to hurt them more than what actually you think occurred.

Kierra Pelz:

Yeah, and it's, it's unfortunate too, right, like, and I mean we all, we all lived through high school, we all lived through middle school and we we knew that blowing certain situations out of proportion had a lot to do. Now, when we look back on it, I mean I say we know, but then we didn't know. But we know now as adults that, looking back, emotions played a high role and things were blown out of proportion and we wish that we had enough courage and education to be able to just talk to that person directly, right? So so being able to harness that in your culture, within your programming, is huge Friends.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Thank you for joining us in part two of our conversation with Kiera Pels. Stick around for next week, where we will have part three coming right up. Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We'd love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.