18: Five Strategies for Managing Tough Conversations with Kierra Pelz - Part 3

In the final installment of our three-part series, Kierra Pelz and I dig into one of the most overlooked but critical parts of leading well: proactive communication. Because let’s be honest: it’s one thing to put out fires. It’s another thing to build a culture where fewer fires happen in the first place.

We discuss how communication shapes team culture from the ground up and what leaders can do to set clear expectations before conflict ever arises. Kierra introduces the idea of communication matrices (yes, they're real and they work) and how creating systems for information flow protects your time, your team, and your sanity.

We also get into:

• How to establish shared values that guide decisions and behaviors
• The influence of financial pressure on youth sports programs and parent expectations
• What happens when parents treat sports like a transaction instead of a team commitment
• Why culture can’t be reactionary and has to be built on purpose.
• What directors and coaches need to do to stay in control of their own programming

This episode is all about safeguarding what you’ve built—the people, the culture, the mission—by being intentional with how you communicate and who gets access to what decisions.

Whether you're a coach, athletic director, team parent, or anyone working with youth and families, this conversation will help you think more clearly, lead more strategically, and build a stronger foundation for the long run.

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Kierra Pelz is the co-owner and operator of a cheer gym in Alberta, Canada. Her gym is a thriving community where young coaches grow into exceptional mentors while inspiring the next generation of athletes in both competitive and recreational cheerleading.

As a mother of two, she understands the importance of balance and has built systems within her business that allow her to lead effectively while prioritizing her family. These systems also empower her coaching staff, giving them the tools and confidence to excel as leaders in and out of the gym.

Beyond the gym, she is passionate about leadership development and helping young coaches grow into strong, capable mentors. She actively speaks and teaches at industry conferences, including those hosted by Next Generation Gym Owners, where she shares insights on systemization, time management, and leadership. She is committed to lifelong learning and continually seeks opportunities to refine her skills while helping others do the same.

Transcript

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:00

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend, from navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics. Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome to part three, the finale of my amazing conversation with Kiara Pels.

Kierra Pelz: 0:48

Thank you for sticking around and enjoy the rest of this podcast. Next one, which is side by side with being being proactive versus reactive and having that communication open, and I think we've talked a lot about it. I don't really have to go too much into detail on this point, but being that, having that proactive, that open communication, having these templates in place, having these we call them our communication matrices. So they have, if you can envision it looks like three circles. So we have the main circle in the middle and then one that's an outer circle, and then the outer, outer circle and the main one in the very middle is is the core of whatever conversation we may have. And so we have three different matrices within our, within our program. And one is coach to coach, so if you're having conflict between your colleagues or if you're. And then the second one is coach to parent and or athlete, so member to whoever's coaching. And then the third one is from a coach to director, so somebody who may be their supervisor or head coach or owner of the program or whatever that may be. And so we have these three different things laid out and we make it very known to everybody in our program that the. You know, the core in each conversation is around this and, like I said, for each one it's different and it can be different.

Kierra Pelz: 2:10

However, you lay out your core values and whatever you want your culture to be, and maybe you just have one within your own program and that's okay also. But then are like are you solution-based? Are you being proactive as opposed to reactive? And the more proactive you can be with open communication, having those parent meetings at the beginning of every season, emailing the slides of that parent meeting at the beginning of every season and then, like I said, having those templates so that when a parent receives that message from a template, they're like oh yeah, I, oh right, right, and then they kind of go from there, whereas anybody that maybe didn't have that communication in the first place may be blindsided by that. How dare they delete my message? I can't believe that they would do that to me. I reached out and I did what I could and I did, and then it's just gonna escalate even more, right.

Kierra Pelz: 3:03

So, being proactive versus reactive in every single conversation that you have and it becomes more natural.

Kierra Pelz: 3:12

You have to work at it at first, and it becomes more natural the more you can engulf your culture and your core values. And that brings me to the fifth point is ultimately. Ultimately, you want to make sure that you're protecting your culture and if you don't have those core values and that culture set in place, then it's it's easy for it to to run away on you and for for you to start questioning like, okay, well, who is actually running this program? Is it the parents or is it us? And I know that there are a lot of programs out there who are like feeling that they're feeling that pressure from the parents, they're feeling that that outside coming in and almost like flooding their gates where they're, they're worried that they're losing control over the program that they do have. And so, having some plans in place and and having those solution-based conversations and being proactive versus reactive, enforcing the 24-hour rule voice over text is there those are only the beginning steps that you can do to ensure that your culture at its core is always protected.

Dr. Jen Fry: 4:21

Yeah, this conversation is actually going to be in two parts because it was so good. It might be three parts. It might be three 20-minute segments because, but this is the stuff that people need, this is what they need to hear, because right now, youth sports, let's be honest, makes a lot of money and so you have these parents who are like I, paid money, so you should answer my text at two o'clock in the morning and have a solution, and even though I I know in this stunt it only takes six kids, my kids should be there, so we should have 15 people doing it. Just because, right, like all, money drives that that effect, especially when economies start getting tighter.

Dr. Jen Fry: 5:00

They want a bang for their buck and when you have these in in line, it helps be more productive. Versus you're having fight wars on messenger and text, then you're bringing them in and they're upset. They want, like all these things that unravel. How do you prepare that? But, like you said, centering culture at the middle of all your decisions. Any last words, kara, this has been but not more than I could have bargained a phenomenal conversation.

Kierra Pelz: 5:30

I'm so glad Um, I mean fine, not not really final um words. Like I said, we could talk about this all day, but um, I did. I finished out this presentation in particular with a quote from um Peter Bromberg Um and um, and, and it's quote when we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction. I'm gonna say that again when we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.

Kierra Pelz: 6:10

And like I said before, when we, maybe when we decide to not have that difficult conversation, we forget that we are in fact making that active choice.

Kierra Pelz: 6:19

We're making that choice. We're choosing that long-term silence or resentment or dysfunction over that short-term discomfort or guilt or awkwardness of speaking or hearing the truth. And so you know, thinking along top of those, on top of those five tips that we just spent the last hour and a half talking about, it's um. You know, you want to ask yourself if, if I think ahead and imagine myself after in two different pathways. Number one if I don't say anything and we don't have this hard conversation, how am I going to feel in a day, a week, a year? Is it going to get better by avoidance? Or the? The other path, where, like, if we talk about it now, how am I going to feel in a day, a week, a year? Is this going to get better by conversation? Now, don't be a part of the let's not talk about it and it'll go away family, because it will never go away if you don't talk about it.

Dr. Jen Fry: 7:26

I appreciate you. This has been absolutely brilliant and I hope people did what I said. Take lots of notes and also get a journal for your feelings um this. Please go buy one.

Kierra Pelz: 7:38

There's ways to make cute ones for you, you can get them at the dollar store.

Dr. Jen Fry: 7:42

They're so cute, literally but do that before you make a mistake like this parent who now has to send a 30-page apology message because he's gotten the coaches upset. Thank you for calling in from Canada, I hope you enjoy all the Tim Hortons for me.

Kierra Pelz: 8:03

I will go and get some right now and just think about you while I'm sipping on it. Nice and warm, appreciate it.

Dr. Jen Fry: 8:09

And thank you, friends, for listening. Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played Subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message We'd love to hear from you. You Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.