8: Stop Prioritizing Tradition Over Teaching Consent

When a Fun Volleyball Trend Becomes a Lesson in Consent

What happens when a seemingly harmless sports tradition gets people fired up about consent?

In this episode of Five with Fry, we’re talking about clipping—a popular trend in volleyball where players pin decorated clothespins onto each other. Sounds fun, right? But what happens when a player doesn’t want to be clipped? What happens when a young girl feels uncomfortable but doesn’t know how to say no?

That’s where this conversation takes a turn.

When I brought up concerns about this in a volleyball moms Facebook group, the backlash was real. People argued that clipping was “just for fun” and that “no harm was meant.” But here’s the thing: intent doesn’t override consent.

This episode isn’t just about sports—it’s about the bigger lesson we should be teaching young girls: how to set and enforce their boundaries. If we don’t give them the space to practice saying no in low-stakes situations, how can we expect them to do it when it really matters?

We’re diving into:

• Why traditions like clipping highlight the challenges young girls face in asserting themselves.
• The difference between good intentions and real consent.
• How early consent education builds confidence and autonomy.
• Why empowering girls to say “no” isn’t about taking the fun away—it’s about ensuring their voices are heard.

This isn’t about overreacting. It’s about recognizing how small moments teach big lessons. And if we want to raise a generation of young women who know how to hold their boundaries, we need to start paying attention.

Tune in to this episode of Five with Fry and let’s talk about why consent always matters—even when it’s “just for fun.”

Transcript

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:00

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome to the next episode of Five with Fry. And today we're talking about a topic which I did not think would be controversial but actually ends up being controversial. So let me kind of give you a bit some backstory.

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:46

Within volleyball there is a new trend called clipping. So essentially what happens is that athletes will take clothesline clips, those wooden ones, and write little cool phrases on there, maybe put some bedazzled stuff on there, then in tournaments clip them on to athletes bags, clothing, hair and that type of stuff. And this is a relatively new tradition we have not seen in volleyball before. And so I wrote and blog comment post in the volleyball moms facebook group and I said we should really be thinking about this idea of clipping kind of as a dotted line to really thinking about consent and sexual assault. And I said we have to really start thinking about how do we teach consent at a young age, meaning that some of the parts of clipping is that they just go and put them in people's hair or put them on their jerseys, and people don't know this and some girls like it, some don't. And I said we have to really think about this as a situation and a beautiful opportunity to teach what it looked like to ask for consent but then also to give consent. And you have thought I said we should take people out back and beat them up because people were enraged. You know one of their discussion points was the idea that this is something fun and positive and why ruin it? And I have a huge concern with that because many times it's really difficult for women, and especially young girls, to say no, to say they're uncomfortable, to say they don't like being touched that way. And now let's add in the factor of peer pressure of a girl saying no and potentially ruining what people think of as fun. That's a really hard thing for a young girl to do is to ruin someone's fun by saying they don't like something. So what do young girls usually do? Then They'll just say, oh, it's fine, I don't care.

Dr. Jen Fry: 2:39

And I think that when we have a situation like this, where it's girls doing it to other girls, we have a wonderful opportunity to teach about consent in a very low stakes place. Because the reality of the situation is that we cannot expect girls or young women to say no in a high stakes situation where it's someone they know, they love, they trust a family member, a family friend, at a party with friends, whatever it is. We cannot expect them to say no in super high, stressful or emotional situations If we're not teaching about consent and being able to boldly say no in very low stakes situations. And what's more, low stakes is someone coming up to you and say, hey, can I put this clothespin in your hair? And you say no, can you put it on my Jersey or can you put it on my back. And I think it's fascinating how people will put positive intent over everything else, especially consent, where I even saw one girl or one woman said well, when you say you're going to go to the volleyball tournament, then you are automatically consenting to people putting clothespins on you, and I thought that was wild that this positive, intentful thing overrides any other type of consent and is making it that young girls are immediately consenting to it just because they're playing volleyball, and I think it's dangerous. Intent doesn't override consent. We should be teaching our young women that they can say no with no problem, fiercely and boldly, even if it's a clip being put in their hair or they're being touched or they're giving a food they don't like, whatever it is, because this is literally a life lesson and we want to teach them something at a very low stakes, because now it builds up their skill to say no. When it's higher stakes, because they have the confidence and experience, we have to teach them this skill.

Dr. Jen Fry: 4:38

Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry. Your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played. Five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.