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Five with Fry
Think of this podcast as your go-to for tackling the hard stuff with clarity and confidence. On Five with Fry, Dr. Jen Fry breaks down the rules, challenges the norms, and dives deep into the tough conversations that shape our lives—conflict, culture, family, sports, tech, and everything in between. This is where you learn to rely on yourself, embrace the messy, and come out stronger on the other side.
Five with Fry
31: The Truth Can Sting Without Being Rude
Can truth hurt without harming? In this episode of Five with Fry, we dig into the difference between being direct and being rude and why so many people confuse the two. I break down an eye-opening video from Conflictish, a social media voice on healthy communication, and connect it to a powerful story from one of my workshops. In that workshop, a deaf participant shed light on the stark differences between deaf and hearing cultures when it comes to speaking the truth.
We’ll explore how culture shapes our comfort with directness, why blunt honesty isn’t automatically disrespectful, and how to tell whether our discomfort with feedback comes from the message itself or the way it’s delivered. You’ll hear why building a higher tolerance for honest, direct feedback is one of the best skills you can develop—whether you’re growing as a person, a leader, or an athlete.
This is about more than communication; it’s about clarity, growth, and learning to sit with a little discomfort so you can actually move forward.
Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics. Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it, friends. Welcome to the latest episode of Five with Fry. Today we're going to talk about this Instagram video I saw from a gentleman that goes by Conflictish, and if you're on social media, follow him, get on his newsletter. He gives great information, but he had this video talking about.
Dr. Jen Fry:Directness is not rudeness, and so many times the truth teller for telling the truth is being slapped on the hand for being rude when all they are doing is being direct. It's kind of interesting. I was running a workshop and one of the people in there was deaf and he said he has a hard time because within deaf culture, you are very direct. But that is not the same within hearing culture. Within hearing culture, it's all about putting any type of direct information wrapped in a shell of niceness. Right, it's the sandwich of say something really nice, then say the truth and say something really nice, but it feels like in society it's like something nice, something nice, maybe something that they need to work on, but wrap that nice and then say something nice and nice again, and so there's so much niceness wrapped that the truth isn't being actually talked about in helping the person get better. And so he said this thing that really popped me on the nose. And he said truth should hurt, but the truth teller should not. And he says that discomfort does not mean disrespect. And just because the truth hurt does not mean the speaker was disrespectful, and I think we currently live in a world where truth-telling is immediately thought to be disrespectful.
Dr. Jen Fry:Well, they were disrespectful to me. Well, how, what were their tone? What was their words? What was it? I don't even know. I just felt like they were disrespectful, and I really want people to think about what is their tolerance of hearing direct and honest feedback, because if your tolerance of hearing direct and honest feedback is so low that anytime anyone tells you the truth, it's meant that they are hurting you or disrespectful, then you're going to have to up that level of tolerance, especially if you want to get better as a human, as a entrepreneur, as a athlete, whatever realm you are in.
Dr. Jen Fry:If you want to get better, you will have to be able to handle a level of directness. You will have to be able to handle a level of feedback. And so when we're talking about getting feedback, when we're talking about people being honest and direct with you, I think it's really important to ask yourself where am I hurting? Am I hurting because what they said was true and I didn't think of it and now my ego's hurt a little bit? Or is it that you're hurt by what? The words that were said, the way that they were said, the location that they were said? Those are two different entities and you can break them down right. You can tell someone Jen, I really appreciate you being honest with me, but I don't think you being condescending or saying it in front of all of our friends is the way to go. That makes sense. But so many times people don't want the direct message and so because of that, no matter how it's said to them, it's still disrespect. And so it's so important to gauge yourself and say is it the message that I'm really upset about, or the way the messenger gave the message, and do I need to up my level of tolerance?
Dr. Jen Fry:Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry. Your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.