Five with Fry

23: I Wrote the Book Young Jen Needed

• Dr. Jen Fry • Season 1 • Episode 23

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Why does conflict make your stomach twist, your hands sweat, and your words disappear? If you’ve ever frozen in the middle of a hard conversation or walked away replaying everything you should have said, this episode is for you.

For years, I struggled with conflict. I bottled up my feelings until they came out sideways—loud, messy, and usually unproductive. Growing up, I didn’t learn how to navigate disagreements in a healthy way. My mom avoided confrontation, and I followed her lead. It wasn’t until later that I realized how much those patterns were holding me back, not just in relationships, but in how I showed up for myself.

That’s why I wrote I Said No: How to Have a Backbone and Boundaries Without Being a Jerk. It’s the book young Jen needed. The one that says: you’re not broken, you just didn’t get the tools. In this episode, I share the backstory behind the book—how it came to be, what’s inside, and why learning to handle conflict with more clarity and care is one of the best gifts you can give yourself (and everyone around you).

We talk about where our conflict styles come from, why some of us shut down or explode, and how to start building the muscle of healthy confrontation, without losing your humanity.

I Said No is available for pre-order now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in paperback and e-book. It drops August 1.

Listen in, and if it hits home, share it with someone else who’s ready to stop dreading conflict and start handling it with confidence.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics. Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection.

Dr. Jen Fry:

I'm your host, dr Jen Fry of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it. Hey friends, welcome to the newest episode of Five with Fry, and I'm excited to tell you that I have written a book. And not only have I written a book, but I actually wrote it, published it, and it's ready for pre-order right now, up until August 1st when it goes live. The book's title is called I Said no how to have a Backbone and Boundaries Without being a Jerk. And I'm so excited to have written this book, because this book would have been amazing for young Jen Fry.

Dr. Jen Fry:

So many of you know me as the person who loves to talk about hard topics and as a speaker that sits at the intersection of conflict and culture, someone that has gotten to be pretty decent at navigating conflict, and I will tell you that, friends, I have not always been this way, not at all. Young Jen Fry was atrocious at conflict. The reason why she was atrocious at conflict, the reason why she was atrocious at conflict is that she had a mom. Even though I love the hell out of my mom, I had a mom who was bad at conflict, and so when you grow up in a household, like I did, with a mom who's bad at conflict. You don't really develop the skills to navigate conflict in a healthy way that allows you to navigate all those hard things and come out on the other side. In reality, I had no skills to navigate conflict. My skills were to hold it in, hold it in and then to yell about everything humanly possible and not really look to have a problem solved, but just to let people know how I feel. And I never fully understood what healthy conflict actually looks like and what it feels like, because I never had that opportunity growing up.

Dr. Jen Fry:

I think many of us just look at conflict as something that is just there, not as something that you have to learn how to navigate and that then hurts us as we navigate through other relationships. And so I wrote this book because I wanted people to have an idea of how they became who they are related to conflict. I want them to start thinking about conflict in a more nuanced way, in a way I wish I had had in my 20s and 30s, through failed romantic relationships and really friendships, because when you don't have the skill set to navigate it, you do the things that you see. A skill set to navigate it. You do the things that you see and the things that were done to you and they might not be healthy and they might not be something that is actually meant to help the situation.

Dr. Jen Fry:

They might be something that hurts the situation, and so when I wrote this book, it was kind of like an ode to everyone who knew they didn't handle conflict well, but they didn't really have words to it and they weren't sure of how to handle it better. And in it it has stories, conversation, comments about conflict and also reflection questions about how to help you get better and knowing how you became who you are. And so you can pick it up at Amazon or Barnes Noble, both EPUB and paperback, and I hope you give the book an opportunity so that as we continue navigating through this world, you can become just a little better at that thing that tends to freak everyone out, but they know that they need to work on to be a better human.

Dr. Jen Fry:

Thank you. Well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with fry your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come follow me on ig, twitter, the tiktok at gen fry talks, or join me on linkedin. Look for me at dr Gen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation going. See you on the next Five with Fry.