32: The Human Cost of Finding Your Leadership Style

Ever think about the human cost of leadership development? Those first teams you lead are really the guinea pigs for your trial-and-error experiments in figuring out what kind of leader you’ll become. I know this firsthand. At 27, I jumped into my first head coaching role with big ideas—new offense, new defense, new culture, new handbook—without really knowing what I was doing. My players became part of my leadership lab while their scholarships and college experiences were on the line.

That’s the reality for every new leader: the shift from theory to practice is humbling. The people you’re leading don’t see your growth curve; they only know you as the one in charge. You quickly learn that leadership isn’t magic math where “two plus two equals a thousand.” It’s closer to throwing ingredients into a cauldron and hoping you find a combination that actually works.

This episode of Five with Fry is about recognizing those first teams—the ones who stuck with you through the experiments, mistakes, and growing pains. They shaped your leadership more than you realize, and they deserve your thanks.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Five with Fry

Transcript

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:00

Friends, welcome to Five with Fry, where five is the magic number, whether it's five minutes, five questions or anything that fits in five. I dive into the big topics that matter, sometimes alone and other times with a friend. From navigating sports conflict to family dynamics, travel, tech, hard-hitting issues and even politics Nothing and I mean nothing's off the table. This is where curiosity meets conversation, and we always sit at an intersection. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry, of Jen Fry Talks. Let's get into it. Hey, friends, welcome to the newest episode of Five with Fry. I'm your host, dr Jen Fry.

Dr. Jen Fry: 0:38

Let's talk about guinea pigs, not the furry little lovable ones. And if you don't think guinea pigs are furry and lovable, find yourself another podcast, dang it. This isn't the one for you, bud. So, anywho, we're not talking about the animal guinea pig. What we're talking about are the people that experienced your first forage into leading. We're talking about people who are first time athletic directors, first time CEOs, first time directors, first time head coaches. Whatever it is, your first forage into leadership means that the people under you are guinea pigs. Why do you ask that, jen? Because everything you practiced before was in a very different context. So the context was you weren't the person, at the end of the day, fully responsible for the consequences. You maybe could be affected by them, but you weren't the one fully affected by the consequences. You had theoretical thoughts on what leadership looked like, but you actually hadn't practiced stuff. On what leadership looked like, but you actually didn't practice stuff. You were taking maybe a different location team size, whatever it is and implanting those contexts onto this new group. Everything was theoretical until you finally sat in the big chair and I don't think that we give enough appreciation to the first people that helped you figure your shit out, because that's literally what they were doing. You're coming here as a first time head coach and you have all the dreams and aspirations of I'm going to run my program differently. That is the thing all former assistants say I'm going to run my program differently. And so you have your handbook with all the ways you're going to run it differently, the ways you're going to treat the athletes and the staff, and all of that, and all of it's wonderful and beautiful and it's all theoretical because this group you're now going to go work with they're going to be different than the group you worked with before, who knew you as an assistant 're now going to go work with. They're going to be different than the group you worked with before, who knew you as an assistant. They're going to be different in terms of location, size, culture, expectations. All of that's going to be very different than what you're used to. And so they are your guinea pigs, because you have to figure out your leadership self, and not in the theoretical way, but in the actual, practical way, the way that now you have been doing stuff and you're seeing how two and two is actually making four, but before, in your dreams, two and two is making a thousand. And so I was a college volleyball head coach for three years. I started at 27. Let me tell you, jennifer at 27 didn't have no damn clue of running a team at all. I just knew I did not want to be like the prior coaches. So I came in and I'm changing offense and defense and culture and handbook and all of that. They were my guinea pigs. Literally, I'm in the kitchen throwing ingredients together to try and figure my shit out, and they're along with me for the ride and their livelihoods and their scholarships and everything is dependent on me trying to figure it out in a pretty expedited way to give them a good experience. So, all that to say, you need to thank the people that were your early on guinea pigs, because you were literally running experiments with them. You had a cauldron and you're sitting there running experiments with these guinea pigs to figure out what's going to be the right combination to make you a successful leader, because, again, everything that you had before was just theoretical. So thank those early guinea pigs. I knew I do because of how instrumental they were in my success, just like my early on speaking engagements. I thank them because they allowed me to figure out Jen Fry as the speaker in ways that I hadn't before. So thank the guinea pigs. Friends, well, friends, that's it for this episode of Five with Fry your dose of five insights, ideas and inspiration. If you love what you heard, don't forget to head over to where podcasts are played, to subscribe, share and leave a review. Got a topic you want us to tackle? Drop us a message. We love to hear from you. You can come follow me on IG, twitter, the TikTok at Jen Fry Talks, or join me on LinkedIn. Look for me at Dr Jen Fry. Until next time, stay curious, stay bold and keep the conversation.