Five with Fry
Five with Fry is your go-to podcast for understanding conflict—where it comes from, why it shows up, and how to handle it with clarity and intention. On each episode, Dr. Jen Fry breaks down the moments we avoid, the reactions we default to, and the skills it takes to move through conflict without blowing things up or shutting down.
Five with Fry
S2 Ep3: "Calm Down?" That Phrase Might Be Your Kryptonite.
Some words hit harder than they should. A comment like “calm down” can flip a switch in your body before your brain has a chance to weigh in. In this episode, I’m talking about what happens when you get triggered and what that reaction is actually telling you. We look at the patterns that show up under stress, like going quiet, getting sharp, or speeding up, and trace where those responses were learned. Often, they go back to early feedback or family dynamics that taught you which parts of you were “too much” or not welcome.
I walk through how to notice the body cue, pause long enough to get your footing, and choose a response that protects your values instead of letting impulse run the meeting. We use real language and real examples, including how dismissive phrases escalate tension and how to set boundaries that keep the work moving without steamrolling people. The point isn’t to never react. It’s to shorten the distance between reaction and recovery so you can lead with steadiness and use conflict as information, not a derailment.
Welcome to Five with Fry. I'm Dr. Jen Fry. This podcast is about conflict and what it teaches us when we stop trying to avoid it. This season focuses on leadership starting with self. In five-minute episodes, we look at the internal work of leadership: self-awareness, emotional regulation, accountability, and the patterns that show up when things get tense. You don't get to lead past what you won't look at. In some episodes, I'll ask a guest one central question. What is a moment of conflict that changed you for the better? Different formats, same goal. To help you lead with more clarity by owning your own stuff. And using conflict as a tool, not something to run from. Hey friends, I'm Dr. Jen Fry and welcome to this episode that asks you, who are you when you're triggered? Woo! I know. I just need you to sit with that for a second. Who are you when you're triggered? And that's a really spicy topic. It's spicy because it's something that we actually don't like to think about. I see the word triggered has become weaponized against people. You make a response to someone that they don't like on social media, and their first comment is, oh, you're triggered. And I think it has this really bad connotation to it, where people don't like to think about it. They don't like to acknowledge that they're triggered. And the past two episodes, we've talked about your conflict roots and self-awareness being a competitive advantage. And so part of that is understanding your emotional reactions when you're under stress. And that's all being triggered is. But many people don't like to think about the words that trigger them or the situations that do. And friend, we all have trigger points. If you are sitting there saying, oh, this episode doesn't apply to me, I don't get triggered, I need you to go back to episode two about self-awareness and sit with it. Because you can't come to this episode if you haven't listened to the other episode. And so it's really critical that you understand when you get into certain situations that create an emotional response to be able to understand what about that situation and those words are causing you to have that response. I know for me, something that triggers me is when people tell me to calm down. If you tell me to calm down, I want to pick up desks and throw them through the window. And many times I've realized that when people are telling me to calm down, I'm actually at my most calm state. You continually saying, just calm down, just calm down, actually invokes just the demonic gen because you're not acknowledging where I am emotionally. And so I've had to work on that. When people say just calm down, I've had to pause and not allow it to trigger me. And so the thing I want to ask you, friends, is what words trigger you? Why don't you sit back? What things may be connected to your family? You know, maybe you had someone that said you were annoying because you wanted to show them this really cool thing that you're doing. And so because they said you were annoying or that they thought you were annoying, now anytime someone maybe says that, it triggers some type of response in you. And so that's why we have to go all the way back to our conflict roots to be also able to understand what words potentially trigger us and how when we get into those situations or we hear those things applied to us, it doesn't create an emotional response, it doesn't make us retreat. We have the emotional intelligence and the self-awareness to pause, to really understand what about those words make us feel that way. We are able to self-reflect. We're able to better understand what techniques we need to get through those situations, other than consistently saying, I don't get triggered, I don't get triggered, I don't need to worry about that, and lacking complete self-awareness. So again, my friends, who are you when you get triggered? If this episode resonated with you, take a second to follow, rate, and share it wherever you listen. And if this conversation hits closer to home and your work, I also do keynotes, workshops, and facilitation. My goal is to help one million people have a better relationship with conflict. And it starts with you. Well, that's this episode of Five with Fry. Y'all, take what you heard, sit with it, and use it. Remember, growth lives on the other side of that conversation. Don't waste the conflict, and thanks for listening.