S2 Ep7: How Fast Will They Tell You You’re Wrong?

Leaders love to say their door is always open. That sounds generous. It also keeps you comfortable.

Power doesn’t disappear because you’re approachable. It shows up in who has to walk toward you. It shows up in who speaks first in meetings. It shows up in how long someone pauses before telling you your idea is off.

The real measure isn’t access. It’s speed. How quickly can someone tell you you’re wrong? If people need to rehearse, coordinate, or nominate the “right” messenger, that tells you something about the environment you’ve built. When truth slows down, innovation slows down with it.

We get into the reflex that blocks it. The sigh. The tightened face. The subtle defense that flashes across your body before you say a word. And what it takes to build a culture where correction happens in real time, not in the hallway after.

Transcript

Season Focus: Self-Leadership

Dr. Jen Fry 0:00

Welcome to Five with Fry. I'm Dr. Jen Fry. This podcast is about conflict and what it teaches us when we stop trying to avoid it. This season focuses on leadership starting with self. In five minute episodes, we look at the internal work of leadership, self-awareness, emotional regulation, accountability, and the patterns that show up when things get tense. You don't get to lead past what you won't look at. In some episodes, I'll ask a guest one central question. What is a moment of conflict that changed you for the better? Different formats, same goal, to help you lead with more clarity by owning your own stuff. And using conflict as a tool, not something to run from. Hey friends, it's Dr. Jen Fry. Welcome to the newest episode asking you, who tells you the truth? When you are in leadership positions, newsflash, there's a massive power dynamic. And many times we don't realize we are welding that power dynamic. I know that there's a lot of people who say, someone can come into my office at any point and talk to me. And the first thing I want to point out is they're coming to you. Power dynamic. They're coming into your office where you are comfortable, probably behind your desk. Power dynamic. So right away, unbeknownst to you, the power dynamic is set. They're coming to see you. And so I think many times people look at as, well, my door is open. It is. And it can be really tough to walk through that door. Let's take it if telling the truth isn't going to your office. Telling you the truth is in a meeting where you give an idea, where you give someone incorrect information, where you give someone incorrect feedback. Can they tell you the truth at that moment? Or do they have to all whisper to each other, have darted looks, and then afterwards reconvene and figure, is it worth telling you? What are they going to tell you? And who's going to be the person to tell you? Are they having to make all of those decisions and finally say, okay, Jen, you tell them. You have the best relationship. And then that person goes into the lion's den to tell you your idea wasn't good or whatever it is. I think sometimes people don't realize the speed at which someone can tell you that your idea is bad is the level of comfort they have with you. Let me tell you. Don, my chief of staff, will tell me my idea is bad, the title of something, whatever I wrote is bad faster than I can get it out of my mouth. And I appreciate that she has that comfort. I would hate to work with someone for months, years, whatever it is, and they have to gather up the courage to tell me that my idea was bad. When people have to gather the courage to tell you your idea or information is wrong or bad, that tells you a lot about the environment that you've created. And I say you've created because it is something that someone in power has to create. It's not something that develops, it's something that we as leaders create. And we have to be really cognitive. And one of the ways that we can create an environment in a culture where they feel comfortable telling us the truth is really thinking thoughtfully about our reaction when they give us the information. When they give us the information, are we, you know, sighing and huffing? Are we side-eyeing? Are we saying, hey, thank you? I appreciate you explaining my mistake, or thanks for telling me my idea wasn't good. Let's work on that. Right? You give them positive affirmation when they tell you the truth. Because that's the only way you're gonna have a culture of other people being willing to step up and tell you that your idea, whatever it is, isn't good. And sometimes that first idea for anyone isn't gonna be good. And so you give the first idea, someone layers on to make it better, and then we have three, four, five, six ideas, and now we have an excellent option all because we were okay with someone saying our idea is bad. You can't have innovation if people are afraid to tell you your idea is bad. You can't have innovation if people have to all gather around to figure out who's gonna tell you the information. You can't have growth if people are worried about your reaction. So the thing I want you to think about as we move forward is who's gonna tell you the truth and how fast are they gonna tell you? If this episode resonated with you, take a second to follow, rate, and share it wherever you listen. And if this conversation hits closer to home and your work, I also do keynotes, workshops, and facilitation. My goal is to help one million people have a better relationship with conflict. And it starts with you. Well, that's this episode of Five with Fry. Y'all, take what you heard, sit with it, and use it. Remember, growth lives on the other side of that conversation. Don't waste the conflict, and thanks for listening.