S4 Ep1: More Than the Chauffeur

Most of what a sports parent does has nothing to do with sports. It's gear. It's scheduling. It's "did you remember your cleats" texted at 6:45 in the morning. Parents get so good at the doing that the harder question almost never gets asked: who do you actually want to be in this season of your kid's life?

That question is what this episode, and this season, is built around. Not because the logistics don't matter. They do. But because nobody ever tells parents that managing the gear bag isn't the same as deciding how to show up when things get hard.

I spent over fifteen years coaching college athletes, which means I spent just as long watching this play out from the other side of it. I kept seeing parents who were doing everything right on paper — present, paying, driving — and still surprising themselves in the moments that actually tested them. That's why I wrote Before You Blame the Coach, and it's where this episode starts.

If you've ever felt like you were doing all the right things and still didn't recognize yourself in a tense moment, this one's for you.

https://jenfrytalksyouthsports.com/book

Transcript

Welcome And Season Focus

Dr. Jen Fry 0:00

Welcome to Five with Fry. I'm Dr. Jen Fry, and this season we're talking honestly about the hardest parts of being a sports parent. What actually is happening inside you on that sideline, in that car, and in the group chat. There's no shame, no finger pointing, just real conversation. And if you want to go deeper, my new book, Before You Blame the Coach, is available for pre-order right now. So let's

Why I Wrote The Book

Dr. Jen Fry 0:25

get started. Hey friends, I am just so excited to chat with you about this topic of youth sports and youth sport parenting. And so I just want to chat with you about the reason why I even wrote a book for youth parents. And the reason why I wrote this book is because I think there is so much stuff going on right now within youth sports. And parents really haven't had the opportunity to figure out where they situate themselves within it, other than being the chauffeur, the credit card, the oh, I forgot this thing. Can you please go get it for me, person? The reminder of the jerseys, the shoes, the knee pads, the cleats,

Why Youth Sports Matters

Dr. Jen Fry 1:18

whatever it is that's needed. Instead of being all of those things, I figure there need to be an opportunity for youth sport parents to start better understanding themselves and where they sit in this whole ecosystem, and to also have the opportunity to really think deeper and to self-reflect on, like I said, who they are, but also who they want to be and how they want to show up to their athletes during this time period. Because to me, youth sports is a very special time period. Not only because of what athletes learn about themselves during this time period, they learn who they are, what sports they love, what hard work really is, what it means to show up for yourself and others, even if you don't want to, what it means to learn how to receive and give feedback, what it means to have some autonomy of your parents can't go on the trip, so you gotta wake up by yourself, you gotta know how much money you're gonna spend. All the lessons that athletes learn during this time, because some of them might not go out and play college, some of them, this might be the only time that they really can learn all of these lessons at one time, and so it's special, but also the reason why I wanted to talk about parents is because it's special for y'all as well.

The Parent Experience And Identity

Dr. Jen Fry 3:12

You get a front row seat to watching your athlete develop in all the amazing, bad, ugly, happy, sad ways. You get a front seat to seeing all the things that you were teaching them. Were they actually listening? Probably they were, even if they don't admit it. And more importantly, you get to meet friends that you potentially will talk to forever. You get to have special moments yourselves, the moments while you're waiting for your athletes, so you're just talking to people, the dad gangs who get to put on the shirts, the outfits, and they get to build their own identity. You all get to have moments at the hotels when you carpool with people, all of those things you get your moments too. And so I wanted to write this book, A Parents' Guide to Conflict Perspective, and Pressure on Youth Sports, to help you better understand yourself while you have a front row seat to your athlete going through these things while you are meeting new people and developing

Tools For Composure Under Pressure

Dr. Jen Fry 4:23

all these great relationships. And I wanted you to have an opportunity to just develop a better you so that you can also be proud of yourself in ways that you're proud of your child. Because I think sometimes we can agree, youth sports might not bring out the part of us that's proud. And we might say things we regret, regret, do things we regret. And I wanted to just help you have some chapters, some journal prompts, some things to help you think through it so that when things are occurring, you know how to pause, regain your composure, your composure, regain your emotional regulation, and be the person, the parent, the human that you want your child and you want others to see.

Next Steps And How To Connect

Dr. Jen Fry 5:18

Friends, I hope this episode helped you. If it did, please like, follow, and share it with another sport parent, coach, or athlete. If you're ready to go deeper, please order my book before you blame the coach. Head over to my website, genfry talksyusports.com or Amazon. And if your team, club, or organization wants to build stronger conflict skills for parents, coaches, ministers, and athletes, let's connect. I'm Dr. Gen Fry, and I'll see you next time on Five with Fry.