S4 Ep5: The Secret Bribery Ring That Doesn't Exist

You've probably said some version of it. "I didn't pay all this money for you to play like that." Maybe out loud, maybe in your head on the drive home, maybe half-joking. This episode is about where that sentence actually lands.

It doesn't land on the coach. It doesn't land on the club. It lands on your kid,  who can't do anything with it except start believing they owe you.

In this episode, I get into how money quietly turns your child's sport into a bill they think they have to pay back, why that changes how they play and practice, and why the bribery-ring rumor about club coaches falls apart the second you look at what those coaches actually earn.

I also tell a story about a pair of shoes my mom bought me decades ago, and the math I've been doing in my head ever since. It's the reason I think about money and expectations the way I do, and why attaching dollars to how your kid performs costs everyone more than it looks like.

If you've felt that surge when the money crosses your mind mid-game, this one's for you. Order Before You Blame the Coach at https://jenfrytalksyouthsports.com/book.

Transcript

Welcome And The Real Problem

Dr. Jen Fry 0:00

Welcome to Five with Fry. I'm Dr. Jen Fry, and this season we're talking honestly about the hardest parts of being a sports parent. What actually is happening inside you on that sideline, in that car, and in the group chat. There's no shame, no finger pointing, just real conversation. And if you want to go deeper, my new book, Before You Blame the Coach, is available for pre-order. Right now. So let's get

The “I Didn’t Pay For This” Trap

Dr. Jen Fry 0:25

started. Hey friends. Have you made this comment before? I didn't pay all this money for you to play like that. I didn't pay all this money for my kid to be benched. I didn't pay all this money for them to lose like this. And I know many times people will say, I'm just saying that in jest. What we really see is that parents get upset if they do not feel like they are getting the most out of their money. And many times, what the most is to them is their kid on the court all of the time. And so the thing I want to say is that the money that you spend, the financial investment, is not gonna pay for playing

Why Money Doesn’t Buy Minutes

Dr. Jen Fry 1:28

time. And I know some of you will say, Jen, you don't know where I live, but I know I've heard this story of this family who gave this money and their kids on the top team, and you're trying to tell me that money doesn't get playing time, but I can prove you wrong. I'm gonna say this. Club coaches do not make that much. 10, 15, 20 dollars an hour. High end is $20 an hour. For a two or three-day tournament, they might make five, six hundred bucks. Think about it. A club tournament, they're making a few hundred dollars for two, three full days of their time. They are not a part of a bribery ring. And I know many times parents will hear this urban legend and say that there's a bribery ring going on with club coaches. But I'm here to tell you that most likely is not true. And the reality of the situation is that the more you center money

The Bribery Myth And Coach Pay

Dr. Jen Fry 2:49

for your kids' experience, the more they feel that when they keep hearing, I didn't pay for this, they are hearing that and they are absorbing all of that, and they're attaching then their experience to the money that parents have paid.

A Shoe Story That Sticks

Dr. Jen Fry 3:08

I'll never forget years ago, and let me premise, Carol Fry, my mom, worked in a library. She made four or five, six dollars an hour minimum wage, not that much. And I remember I really wanted um some shoes, and we went to this place. If you're from the West Coast, y'all might remember Mervyn's. So we went to Mervyn's, and it was between these gray high top Nikes and some vans. And your girl won both of those. And I'll never forget my mom said, Oh, you want the Nike high tops? Those are 70 bucks? I'll have to work 12 hours to be able to afford those shoes. And that stuck with me. I'm 46, it stuck with me, and I always would think about it when I'm buying something, how many hours would it equate to? And when we keep putting the financial investment on our kids, how they played, if they played, the expectations of the coaches, we're doing everyone involved a disservice.

Positions, Demands, And Team Reality

Dr. Jen Fry 4:17

The situation is you are putting up this financial investment. Is it a lot in some sports? Absolutely. And it doesn't mean that they automatically are going to get court time. It doesn't automatically mean that they're playing a specific position. I've seen parents who are saying that my kid signed up to play libero, which in volleyball is a defensive only position, and they're playing defensive specialists. I didn't sign up for them. I'm not paying all this money for them to play defensive specialists. I'm paying all this money for them to play libero. And there's not a step back saying, did my kid in practice show the skills that are needed to play libero? Or is it the assumption that because I play paid this money and this is the position that they tried out for, it automatically means that they should have that position. Or I then deserve to pull my money. And that's not a game that you want to be playing. Because it does no one a service. There is not a bribering bribery ring happening in youth sports. Everyone has paid money. So that means that if that's the case, everyone gets to make those demands. Which then is the case, then you probably shouldn't be having your kid play a team sport. They would be way better off suited doing a youth sport uh doing an individual sport. And so I say this because you don't want to damage your kid's relationship with the sport nor with the coach. Because you deem that your money is more important than anyone else's. And so I just want us to have a different perspective when we think about money and sports and experience and ask ourselves do we have these unrealistic expectations of what I can demand simply because I've put money up for my child's youth sport experience? And is it going to be damaging with my expectations?

Protect The Sport And Your Next Steps

Dr. Jen Fry 6:33

Friends, I hope this episode helped you. If it did, please like, follow, and share it with another sport parent, coach, or athlete. If you're ready to go deeper, please order my book before you blame the coach. Head over to my website, genfry talksyoutsports.com or Amazon. And if your team, club, or organization wants to build stronger conflict skills for parents, coaches, administrators, and athletes, let's connect. I'm Dr. Jen Fry, and I'll see you next time on Five with Fry.