S4 Ep6: Put the angry email in the book (Before You Blame the Coach out now!)

Your kid gets benched. Your chest goes tight. And somewhere between the sideline and the parking lot, a message starts writing itself in your head — the one that has to be sent.

This is the episode where the book is finally out, and it's the exact moment I built the book for. Because I've watched this play out from the other side of the bench for fifteen years: a parent who loves their kid, who's running on a partial story and a spike of emotion, deciding right then that the coach needs to hear it — or worse, that the internet does.

I get into why that moment is where supportive parenting either holds or comes apart. Missing context. A kid who told you eighty percent of the conversation. The screenshot that outlives the apology. And the thing nobody wants to sit with — that what you do while you're hot doesn't stay with you. It follows your athlete into rooms you'll never be in.

Before You Blame the Coach is out now. This one's about the pause that protects everybody, especially the kid you're trying to defend.

https://jenfrytalksyouthsports.com/book

Transcript

Welcome And Season Theme

Dr. Jen Fry 0:00

Welcome to Five of Cry. I'm Dr. Jennifer White. And this season we're talking honestly about the hardest part of being a supportive parent. What's actually happening inside of you on that sideline, in that car, and in that group chat. No shaming, no finger pointing, just real conversation. And if you want to go deeper, my new book, Before You Blame the Coach, is available now. So let's go. Friends,

Book Release Announcement

Dr. Jen Fry 0:27

it is officially that time. What time are you asking? My book has officially been released yesterday, August 3rd. I thought I would add that air horn because it's needed. I am so absolutely excited. The book's official title is Before You Blame the Coach, A Parent's Guide to Conflict, Perspective, and Pressure in Youth Sports.

Why The Title Matters

Dr. Jen Fry 1:04

So I tried to be very thoughtful about the title. Because I didn't want it to be a situation where you truthfully were looking for a resource and you just felt like this was not going to be it because in a way you felt attacked. And I didn't want that. I want it to be where you were like, I'm going into a season and I just need some more resources to help me manage my emotions. Something to help me think or see a little bit clearer. Because I know when it starts to get tough, I might not be able to see or think as clearly as I should be able to. And that could potentially cause me to say something to someone or on the internet that I'm going to very much regret.

When Parents Go Public Online

Dr. Jen Fry 2:05

It reminds me of the story of the Alabama men's basketball player whose mom, after he got benched, wrote a scathing post, I believe on Facebook, a scathing scathing post about the head coach. Let me tell you, less than 24 hours later, that post was deleted, and you subsequently saw the numerous apology posts because she was completely out of hand with what she wrote. And this was a college athlete who's making a lot of money with NIL whose mom did this. And so this book is a really good opportunity for you not to be one of the people that make the mistake by saying something to your coach when you fully don't have the context of the situation, of deciding to yank your kid off the team because your athlete maybe didn't tell you the whole story of the conversation with the coach, of posting something on social media that makes you have a really bad light because what you said was maybe not true, maybe didn't have the full story, or was something for you just to sit on and think about, but instead you decided to put your emotions, feelings out in the social media universe, knowing full well that when something is screenshot, baby, it's there forever.

Emotions Change Across The Season

Dr. Jen Fry 3:43

And so my goal was to help you, to help you have a document that you can go through because the beginning of the season is gonna be very different emotionally from the middle of the season, which is gonna be very different emotionally to the end of the season. Because there are going to be things that happen at the beginning of the season that you're not gonna pay any mind because your kids are playing. They're starting, you got them all on video, but then maybe they get taken out and they get benched, and now in the middle of the season, the emotions and feelings are very different than what it was at the beginning of the season. So now it's time that you want to write the email, write the letter, post the comment. And then at the end of the season, you're mad because you don't feel like you got your money's worth. Your kid isn't being recruited as much as you thought that they would. You feel like the coach is attacking your kid, and now it's the end of the season, and it's time you feel to say everything you wanted to. And my hope with this book is that you pause and you think and you reflect, and you just hold on and get a good night's sleep before you do a damaging thing that can hurt your reputation or risk the relationships your athlete has and you have.

How To Use The Book Well

Dr. Jen Fry 5:06

So, like I said, friends, the book is officially out. You can buy it on my website, Gen Fry Talks Youth Sports. You can get an ebook or paperback. I would probably recommend the paperback just because there's prompts in there. And I really want you to jot notes and thoughts and feelings. Hell, in that book, if there is something there, you go ahead and write a little note in there and cuss me all the way out. Cuss me smooth out in that book. If something got you thinking about, you know, mo emotions and feelings more. Cool, use that as the guide to write the things that you want to say, but keep them in that book. Don't let people see them in real life. And so go on and buy that book on my website, and if you buy it directly from me, you're gonna get some stickers and a bookmark, or you can go on Amazon and buy the book or the ebook. But I hope this helps you in your journey into youth sports. Good readings, friends.

Closing Requests And Next Steps

Dr. Jen Fry 6:11

Friends, I hope this episode helped you. If it did, please like, follow, and share it with another sport parent, coach, or athlete. If you're ready to go deeper, please order my book before you blame the coach. Head over to my website, genfry talksyoutsports.com or Amazon. And if your team, club, or organization wants to build stronger conflict skills for parents, coaches, administrators, and athletes, let's connect. I'm Dr. Genfry, and I'll see you next time on Five with Fry.